


Existentialism

by yeaka



Category: Alice in Wonderland (1951)
Genre: Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 13:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20706860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: Cards bicker.





	Existentialism

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Heads up; This is my version of the Kingdom Heart’s version of Disney’s version of Alice in Wonderland. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, Kingdom Hearts, or any of their contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

“But it’s still _butter_,” Seven of Clubs explains, because that really does make all the difference in an argument of the vernacular. “So it’s already in the name.”

Three of Diamonds shakes their head emphatically. “No, no, but it’s not separated by an ‘and’, like peanut butter and jelly are.”

Seven of Clubs sighs. They shuffle around, turning their angular body towards their friend. “But it’s separated by a space, and it’s in the count.”

Three of Diamonds turns too, so that the two of them are facing each other across the doorway through the hedges that they’re supposed to be guarding. “The count is two things—peanut butter and jelly.”

“But if you say it like _PBJ_, as Six of Spades was saying, then that’s three things.”

“But if you separate them, then peanut is its own thing, and there aren’t any peanuts in the sandwich.”

“Well, why couldn’t there be? Then it would still be a peanut, butter, and jelly sandwich.”

“But then you’d have to pause between peanut and butter, or it wouldn’t be in the name.”

“Well, why does it have to be in the name anyway? Bread isn’t in the name, and it’s got to have bread.”

“Maybe it doesn’t have to have bread—nobody ever said anything about bread.”

“Then what’s the jelly on?”

Three of Diamonds pauses to think, and Seven of Clubs does too, because even though they were the one to say it, they still don’t fully understand it; they were just responding. There’s a moment of quiet confusion, during which Seven of Clubs half wishes that infernal cat would show up and put them out of their misery with a proper answer. Then again, the cat’s proven itself completely incapable of any decisive answers.

They’re still thinking when a creature much like the queen—though far nicer both to look at and in demeanor—wanders up to them. She’s not all that shorter than the queen, but she is smaller around the middle, and she’s wearing blue and white instead of red and black. There’s a shock of yellow hair atop her head, and her eyes are big and kind. She greets them both with a cheery, “Oh, hello.”

“Hello,” Seven of Clubs answers, right as Three of Diamonds says, “Hello,” too.

“Have either of you possibly seen a white rabbit anywhere around?” she asks, folding her hands over her apron. 

Seven of Clubs takes a moment to think about it, and Three of Diamonds slowly says, “Isn’t that fellow with the horn a rabbit?”

“I think he is,” Seven of Clubs answers. “He’s certainly white. He should be at court.” Seven of Clubs points through the darkened doorway carved out of the shrubbery. Their spears are still crossed over it. Seven of Clubs helpfully pulls theirs away, but Three of Diamonds doesn’t.

“Now that we’ve answered you,” Three of Diamonds says, “Could you answer us?”

“Why, of course,” the girl says. “That is, I will if I can.”

All they need is one vote to break the tie. Seven of Clubs asks, “If a butterfly flies into your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a butterfly is made of butter, then is your peanut butter and jelly sandwich still a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you’re giving it to someone else, or do you have to say it’s a sandwich of miscellaneous things?”

The girl blinks at them, looking oddly taken aback. She doesn’t even take a minute to think about it. “Well, if someone was going to give me a sandwich with a bug inside, I certainly hope they would tell me about it.”

“But what if they do tell you it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Can that have butter in it?”

“Anything can have butter in it, but a peanut butter and jelly sandwich should not have a butterfly in it.” The girl finishes and looks towards the doorway, but Three of Diamonds doesn’t move their spear, probably because she hasn’t answered the question. She sighs and puts her tiny hands on her hips, announcing, “Alright, I suppose the answer would technically be that it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with miscellaneous other things.”

“So it’s a miscellaneous sandwich,” Three of Diamonds triumphantly concludes, pulling their spear back as they proudly round on Seven of Clubs again. “I told you!”

“No, no, no,” Seven of Clubs counters, “She said it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich—she clearly said that!”

“But if that were the case, then why would the queen have banished us out here and given us the dreadfully boring duty of keeping that girl out of her gardens?”

“Because we’d already taken a bite out of it, of course, you know she hates to sha—” Seven of Clubs cuts off.

They look back towards where the girl was standing, but she’s already slipped past them and disappeared into the distance amongst the many rose bushes and hedge walls. Three of Diamonds seems to realize the same thing at the same moment.

They gape at one another. Then they go scrambling off at top speed to fix their latest error.


End file.
